The Bubie Who Couldn’t Say No

​This is a story about a Bubie who wanted to give her grandchildren everything they wanted and needed in their lives for as long as she could. My Bubie says that all grandparents get a lot of pleasure out of giving to their grandchildren. Sometimes, grandparents need to learn when giving too much can hurt their grandchildren.
Fradella

 
 
Once there was a Bubie who could not say “No” to her grandchildren.  Whatever they needed or wanted, they would call her up and ask her. They knew that their Bubie would always say, “Yes” to them no matter what the request.  What a wonderful life it is if you know that there is always one person whom you could ask for something and the answer was always, “Yes, of course, with pleasure!”.   What could possibly be bad about this situation?

Until one day, Bubie realized that maybe she would not always be able to fulfill her grandchildren’s desires and in fact, perhaps it was better that she learned to say, “No”, too. Here is what happened to change Bubie’s mind about always saying, “Yes” to all her grandchildren’s requests.

One day there was a big snowstorm, and everyone was snowed into their homes. The streets were closed, the stores were closed, and the electricity kept going on and off. Bubie and Zada were in their home, when suddenly they received a call from one of their grandchildren.  “Bubie, how are you? I am having a party with my friends, and I need to buy things for the party. Could you pay for it?” Then, another grandchild got on the phone, “Bubie, how are you? I saw some beautiful shoes that I want for Pesach (Passover). I know that it is early, but could you buy them and save them for me until the holiday?” Then, another grandchild got on the phone, “Bubie, how are you? My class is going on a trip next week. Can you pay for it?”  Then, yes, you guessed it, another grandchild got on the phone and said, “Bubie, how are you? There is a new game that all the kids are playing. It is really fun! Can you buy it for us?”

At the end of the conversation, Bubie realized that she had spent so much money in 10 minutes on the phone with her grandchildren that she wasn’t sure how she was going to pay for all the things that she and Zada needed. Zada was listening to the conversation and when Bubie got off the phone, he said, “Bubie, we need to have a talk!”.

“Bubie, first, I understand how you cannot say, ‘No’ to our grandchildren. Bubies and Zadas had to say ‘No’ to their children but with grandchildren, it is much harder. However, let’s look at the situation. First, if you say ‘Yes’, all the time, then we won’t be able to pay for the things that we need. You and I already work all day long at our jobs and we cannot work anymore. Secondly, do you think that it is good for the grandchildren if we always say, ‘Yes’? Maybe they must learn to earn some of their own money, or save the money they get for birthdays and Chanukah to buy things they need and want?”

“It’s so difficult for me to say, ‘No’ to them. I love them so much and want them to have whatever they need and want.  Maybe they will stop calling me if I start to say, ‘No’, “said Bubie.

“Oh, now I see what the problem is here. You are worried that if you stop saying, ‘Yes’, then our grandchildren will stop calling you,” said Zada.  “I feel that if you don’t stop saying, ‘Yes’ to every request of the grandchildren, then they will not learn how to figure things out for themselves and they will become dependent on us or others, rather than on themselves.”

Zada said that he had an idea. One of the grandchildren, Dovid, told him that the school was willing to pay him $1.50 for every book that he rebound. They had many books that were falling apart. So Zada decided to take Dovid to buy all the materials he needed to rebind books. The other grandchildren could also learn to rebind books and make some money.

Zada explained that Dovid needed to have four different places, like cans or envelopes, to put the money he made. One can was 10% for Tzedaka (charity). One can was 20% for savings. One can was 30% for buying new supplies. The last can was the profits or the money that they made. That is the money he and his siblings could use to buy things they needed, rather than calling Bubie all the time and asking her to buy everything.

The bookbinding business of the grandchildren started out small; however, as soon as each child was old enough to learn how to use the equipment, they could take in more books. The house was filled with books that needed fixing and as Dovid got older, he realized that he might need to rent a place and buy more equipment for bookbinding. Also, they could no longer put their money in cans but had to open a bank account for all the children and an account for the bookbinding business.

Many people from the neighborhood, as well as Yeshivas and Synagogues, would bring their books to be rebound to Dovid’s shop. All the children were able to work as much as they wanted in the shop to help support themselves and their families.

Zada’s idea was a good one because he helped his grandchildren to learn a skill that they could have to support themselves. It also helped Bubie because she didn’t have to say, ‘No’ to her grandchildren since they didn’t ask so often for her to buy them things. She and Zada still gave money for birthdays, bar mitzvahs, weddings, and holidays, but that they could do without worrying about paying the bills they had to pay for their needs.
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Bubie was very wrong about one thing, her grandchildren still called her to talk with her and they still wanted to see her, to share stories with her and to have fun with her. Sometimes we are afraid of saying, ‘No’ to the people we love, but sometimes we must learn to say, ‘No’ to them because that shows that we really, truly love them!